going unplugged

today is my monthly prayer day. i'm turning off my cell phone. leaving the laptop at home. taking my bible, journal, ipad (since it has books and music on it) and some books with me. leaving the distractions of the house and things i feel like i need to do behind.

going to pray. going to rest. going to seek the Lord.

today, i'm praying for the UNT BSM, my family and my wandering heart.

waging a war worth fighting.

in honor of the big 3-0

in honor of the big 3-0, i bought myself an age appropriate gift.

not only am i now the proud owner of a marshmallow gun (i've wanted one for years), but it's a rapid-fire one... it shoots 12 marshmallows at once.

a weekend off

this weekend has been the 1st one i've had completely "off" since school started in august. there have been a few weekends where i've had company in town or been out of town in the mix, but most of my weekends have been filled with BSM stuff this semester.

so far my weekend has consisted of:

saturday:

- sleeping in

- laying on the couch

- a nap

- church (my church is currently renovating the sactuary, so we met for church on saturday night at DBC instead of our regular Sunday services)

- went to bed early

Sunday:

- breakfast at old west cafe

- and now on to getting a few things done around the house

- and then a nap!

sometimes i get lonely

there's no denying it. sometimes i get lonely. i work in an extremely social place, surrounded by college students, and yet... sometimes i get lonely. i have friends, all around me. some live in my town while others span the globe, and yet... sometimes i get lonely.

being 29 and single has provided me the lessons of eating out and going to movies by myself, and learning to be ok with it.

i've wrestled with balancing when it's ok to call and see if my married friends want to talk or hang out and when i should respect their "couple" time. there's no denying it. sometimes i get lonely.

the past months have seemed to be among the busiest i've known in a long time... and yet, sometimes i get lonely.

i'm not whining or asking for a pity invite, that's not the purpose of this post at all. i recognize that loneliness has provided the opportunity for some of the best lessons i could ever learn, and i'm embracing it.

i've learned how to mow my yard, to hang things by myself, to take a recipe meant for 4 and shrink it down so that i don't have leftovers that will last forever. but most importantly, i've learned that when God says He's all i need... He's actually right.

as i was reading through my google reader this morning, i came across a blog discussing loneliness, and she shared the following video. sometimes the thing that encourage me the most is remembering... i'm not alone. others feel lonely too. what's important, is what you do with your alone time and how you use it to grow.

there's no denying it. sometimes i get lonely. but that's ok. i think "being alone" has impacted who i am in more ways that i could ever describe.

it's helped me find me. it's helped me find God. and if loneliness has helped me to do those things... how could i ever hate it?

in the words of martin luther...

i came across a quote by martin luther that explains a lesson i'm learning right now, "Pray, and let God worry."

usually the end of the semester and summer provide an opportunity to slow down and recover from the craziness of the school year and BSM ministry. that has not been the case this year. the past few months have proven to be difficult and draining for myself and my family. i'd attempt to fill you in but i'm pretty sure i'd develop carpal tunnel b/c of the shear volume of the update, and that does not sound fun.

i've spent a lot of time attempting to process the happenings of the past 4 months, trying to understand what God's doing in my life and the lives of the ones i love. sanctification is hard and painful, but thank God we don't walk through the fire alone.

God's grace continues to be sufficient, and for that, i am so thankful.

i've been gone for a while

so much has gone on lately that the idea of writing has been overwhelming. not because i don't know what to say, but because there's so much to say.

in the past few weeks... i've watched God work in amazing ways. lost loved ones, went to 2 funerals in less than 24 hours. cried. laughed. celebrated life. couldn't sleep at night. napped on the couch during the day to try and make up for it. experienced God's grace in unexpected ways and places.

i've attempted to describe the past few weeks in a slew of run-on sentences, because that's exactly what it felt like... everything ran together.

i'll end by saying... there is victory in Jesus.

when did i get so wrapped up in me?

God's been teaching me how selfish i am. i tend to get so wrapped up in my life, the struggles and stresses that i encounter rob me from truly experiencing the joy Christ intended for me to rest in. when did i get so wrapped up in me?

the lead pastor at my church, matt chandler, is fighting brain cancer. the example and message of his life, reminds me that my God is to be glorified in good and bad... in faith and struggle... in laughter and pain.

i pray that my life will be a testimony of the sovereignty of my God. may my anger never cause people to doubt the validity of my relationship with the Lord. may my conversations point people to the cross, and my words be laced with grace, love and the mercy i've been given.

God forgive me for my selfish pursuit of the easy life. you never promised ease... in fact, you promised the opposite in philippians 1:29, "for it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on Him, but also to suffer for him."

God thank you for the grace you give me as i attempt to work through my stubbornness... and thank you for the lessons of sovereignty and grace you're teaching me through Matt.

to read a recent AP article on matt chandler, pastor of the village church, click here.

for shortened version of the article click here or here.

for updates on matt:

• www.thevillagechurch.net
• matt's blog
• follow matt on twitter

I'm becoming domestic in my old age. I love it.

I'm becoming domestic in my old age. I love it.

some of the gifts i received from my family: new dishes and silverware (to go along with the new house), a cookbook and a ladder!

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

My birthday present came today.

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

I spent my afternoon here. Jealous?

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

Trying to figure out how I can add this to my make-shift office ups tairs!

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

Set up a desk to study from while I'm @ my parents.

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

Happy birthday to me!

Happy birthday to me!

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

be thankful while "doing"

"Whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." - Col.3:17.

today is thanksgiving. currently, i am sitting on my couch watching star trek with my family. we ate well and i'm sure more eating will happen as the evening progresses.

in honor of thanksgiving, here's a short list of some things i'm thankful for:

• salvation through Jesus
• family
• friends
• my new house
• fudge pecan pie
• the staff and students at the UNT BSM
• my church

a day of rest

i'm too busy. i know this about myself. i don't sit still well. on thursday night, i saw a movie with a friend... and she commented on the fact that i'm always fidgeting. i can't seem to help it.

a few weeks ago, i noticed that there was the possibility of having nothing scheduled for today... so i kept it that way. i then spent the time getting here thinking of all that i could get done around the house without having anything "scheduled."

a few days ago, i started to get sick... i was running a fever on friday... so today was literally spent in bed. between naps, reading and lunch (brought to me by my mom on her way through town)... i didn't get out of bed until around 6 pm.

so i actually had a day of rest today, and i must admit... it was amazing.

i've got to work on my discipline in this area of my life. it's so important... and it shouldn't take getting sick to remember that.

normal

i am writing this post from an airplane... about 30,000 feet in the air. this astounds me. and while this is anything but normal, this fact is not what this post is about. just wanted to fill you in on the random coolness i'm experiencing right now. i'm a techie... stuff like this makes me smile. it's totally worth the $10 fee to be able to say i checked my email and blogged from the sky! now if i could only get the guy in front of me to leave his seat-back in the upright position, all would be grand! (i've got long legs and a laptop in my lap... his consistent seat adjustments are getting annoying.)

i'm heading home from a great weekend in nashville visiting my college roommates and their families: erin & jeremy and rachel & brian.

this trip provided an opportunity to meet erin & jeremy's 10 month old son, liam, for the first time. it also allowed me to see erin & rachel's pregnant bellies.

it's amazing how much has changed since our belmont days. in the midst of marriages (theirs) and children (their's as well)... it was amazing how "normal" it was to be with them again. it had been over 4 years since i'd seen rachel and a few years since i'd seen erin, and yet we could pick up where we left off.

(the guy in front of me is still adjusting his seat. he can't make up his mind.)

it was fun to reminisce and talk about life and all that's going on. erin and i lived together for 4 years and we lived with rachel for 2 of those years, so you don't have to explain anything... there's something comforting about being around people who truly know you.

"normal' hasn't been a part of my vocabulary lately... so this weekend was refreshing and a nice break from all that i have going on right now.

i'll post pictures from my weekend when i have the chance to move them from my phone to the computer. ok, i'm going to sign off... we're encountering some turbulence and we should be starting our descent pretty soon.

i love technology!

Fall Preview... a "TRUE"tt blessing.

i took a few students to visit truett seminary in waco this week. it's extremely exciting when i have students who are pursuing a call in ministry and i get the opportunity to walk with them as they seek the Lord. while they were visiting classes, talking with professors and mixing with other prospective students... i worked on BSM stuff and had the opportunity to visit with some good friends. i spent time with 2 friends (katie and emily) who served as BSM interns at the same time i did.

coffee with katie lasted a couple hours and provided an opportunity for us both to catch up and unpack all that's been going on in life. i am so thankful for her friendship and i wish that denton and waco were a little closer together so we could sit face to face more often. she's such a blessing.

after lunch, emily and i went to the parking garage starbucks (yes, they have a starbucks and a chili's too in their parking garage) to catch up. i so enjoyed hearing about all she's learning in her 1st semester in seminary... and was reminded how glad i am that i'm finished with school! (well, at least for a while).

i thank God for community and an chance to talk with girls who understand my life and ministry. such a blessing.

an unplanned break.

on sept. 28, 2009 @ 11:40 pm, i tweeted: "tonight, i attempted to write for the 1st time since july. finally felt like i had something to say. the piano felt like home again."

if you've spent any amount of time reading the things i write here, you know (at least) the following things about me: i'm analytical. i'm in ministry. i've had a rough few years.

one thing i'm not - is emotional. i journal, but not in ways that i think most people do. my analytical nature takes over there too... and rarely do emotion and feelings ever grace the page.

my emotions get sorted out through music. when i write, i wrestle with my heart... and my head is not invited.

in the midst of the mess that i found myself in this past year, i've realized that i've been afraid to let myself work through the feelings i've had. it's been easier to ignore them. in fact, until this past thursday, my guitar hadn't made it out of it's case since july.

in the midst of neglecting my emotions and feelings, a favorite part of my life was left collecting dust in my living room.

finally this past week. i felt like i was ready to step on the field and tackle what's been going on. i knew there were things that needed to be said... and i finally allowed myself to say them.

on monday night, i wrote for the first time since july. while it was hard. the result was real, raw and revealing. maybe one day i'll share it here, but i doubt it. i write to work through life and to worship my God... and that's all the audience i need.

i try to be open and honest here, but as i wrote in a recent post... i believe that boundaries are a healthy part of life, and this online revealing of learned lessons needs to be filtered as well.

thank you for reading. i pray that through writing about what i'm learning, i always point you to the cross of Jesus. it's through his grace and mercy alone that i have something worth writing and sharing.

aloft

here are some pictures from my time at the aloft hotel a few weekends ago. i have some hospitality management students and they made me promise to take pictures of the hotel. (sorry that the pictures aren't the best quality. they are the product of the camera phone.)

updated house pictures

the house is coming along and lots of progress has been made. to see pictures, click here. i've added them the same album as the previous ones i've taken, so you'll have to peruse to the end to see the new ones.

here's the update:

• wood floors installed
• carpet being installed
• electricity is on
• light fixtures added
• bathroom fixtures added
• fence posts in place.

i'm getting excited.