Saturday, October 3, 2009

an unplanned break.

on sept. 28, 2009 @ 11:40 pm, i tweeted: "tonight, i attempted to write for the 1st time since july. finally felt like i had something to say. the piano felt like home again."

if you've spent any amount of time reading the things i write here, you know (at least) the following things about me: i'm analytical. i'm in ministry. i've had a rough few years.

one thing i'm not - is emotional. i journal, but not in ways that i think most people do. my analytical nature takes over there too... and rarely do emotion and feelings ever grace the page.

my emotions get sorted out through music. when i write, i wrestle with my heart... and my head is not invited.

in the midst of the mess that i found myself in this past year, i've realized that i've been afraid to let myself work through the feelings i've had. it's been easier to ignore them. in fact, until this past thursday, my guitar hadn't made it out of it's case since july.

in the midst of neglecting my emotions and feelings, a favorite part of my life was left collecting dust in my living room.

finally this past week. i felt like i was ready to step on the field and tackle what's been going on. i knew there were things that needed to be said... and i finally allowed myself to say them.

on monday night, i wrote for the first time since july. while it was hard. the result was real, raw and revealing. maybe one day i'll share it here, but i doubt it. i write to work through life and to worship my God... and that's all the audience i need.

i try to be open and honest here, but as i wrote in a recent post... i believe that boundaries are a healthy part of life, and this online revealing of learned lessons needs to be filtered as well.

thank you for reading. i pray that through writing about what i'm learning, i always point you to the cross of Jesus. it's through his grace and mercy alone that i have something worth writing and sharing.